I have nothing to say about this house so instead of changing the subject to something like how I used to date a guy from Tokyo I’m just going to write down a series of questions I have.
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Is that a Boffi kitchen? If it’s not, are people going to judge me for guessing wrong? Are there two identical dining tables and chairs next to each other? Or is that just the reflection in the window? Can someone send me some photos of the staircase? It looks like it’ll cause a girl boner. I wonder if the homeowners would like me enough to invite me over? Should I have crepes for breakfast?
I was born and continue to live in a place called San Francisco. It’s in California in the States. It doesn’t really get cold here, but it also doesn’t get really hot very often. At least not often enough to justify an outdoor pool. Sure, some top tier residential towers have indoor pools attached to their gyms, but that’s about it. Anyway, whenever I see a photo of a gorgeous house with a pool I get so damned jealous. This pool is the cherry on top of my “I’d like a pool, please” sundae.
One time I was in NYC for the International Contemporary Furniture Fair and I got the opportunity to interview Karim Rashid! The only question I asked him was whether or not he had ever gotten in a fight. He had! And he had a bump on his forehead to prove it. I inquired about the circumstances, and he explained that he and an architect started to brawl because they disagreed about who the best architect in the world was. And then my eyes glossed over and I fell asleep because Karim Rashid is as boring and ridiculous as his designs.
Okay, listen. I haven’t moved a lot in my life. Want to know why? Because moving furniture sucks. It’s heavy and you can ding it and it’s just oh so terrible. I like multifunctional design as much as the next person, but large pieces of furniture should remain intact. Who wants to move a sofa with nine modular parts around? Not me. “Oh, hey. This is a really nice cocktail party, but I feel like our sectional seating configuration is overbearing. Can everyone please put their cocktail down and take their shoes off so we can move around this modular sofa.”
Sometimes I think maybe it’s my fault. This is a good example. Am I dumb? Silly? Stupid? Unable to imagine? This table lamp “frames” what’s behind it with light. So, hmm…. can you put something behind it besides a white wall so I can see the lamp in action? Am I thinking too literal? This lamp makes me feel stupid.